


Hollywood Babylon (2.18)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [41]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Related, Episode: s02e18 Hollywood Babylon, Ghosts, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 02:05:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7201769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam n' Dean discover dat a crew of pimps is murderin tha crew of a horror porno.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

FADE IN: WOODS - NIGHT

A lil' biatch, WENDY, is exitin a abandoned house. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch is searchin wit a gangbangin' flashlight, clearly trippin like a muthafucka.

 **WENDY**  
Mitch, biatch? Ashley, biatch? Yo ass up here?  
Come on, muthafuckas muthafucka! Where is yo slick ass?  
Hello, biatch? Hello?!

 **WENDY  
** Brody!

 **BRODY  
** Ashley n' Todd - they dead hommie! Wendy, they dead!

 **WENDY  
** Brody, pull it together.

 **BRODY  
** Pull it together?! Us dudes aint gots a cold-ass lil chance, aiiight, biatch? We gotta git outta here now!

 **WENDY  
** Fuck dat shit, Brody, we aint leaving. Our thugged-out asses have gots ta find mah sister.

 **BRODY  
** No! Fuck dat shit, I be gettin outta here right now!

Dude runs off up in tha other direction.

 **WENDY  
** Brody dawwwwg! Brody, git back here biaaatch! Brody dawwwwg! God, you lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch!

She hears movement behind her n' stops crying. When dat dunkadelic hoe turns, she lets up a long, bangin scream, thatz sort of a yell yo, but quickly begins ta look annoyed.

It be revealed dat tha biatch is on a porno set fo' realz. A camera is up in her face, wit a tennis bizzle fixed ta tha top, representin tha monsta her big-ass booty supposed ta be beatboxin at. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch stops screaming, lookin disgusted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Da director, McG, watches from tha sidelines.

 **McG  
** Cut! (under his breath ta tha other muthafucka) What tha hell was that, biatch?

Da lights come up on tha set fo' realz. A props muthafucka takes tha flashlight from tha playette playin Wendy, TARA BENCHLEY fo' realz. A thang assistant, WALTER DIXON, handz TARA a Snapple.

 **WALTER  
** Here you go.

 **TARA  
** Thanks, Walter.

 **McG (To crew)  
** Don't- don't mark that.

McG strutts over ta TARA, whoz ass is bobbin up her drink.

 **McG  
** It aint nuthin but all good, Tara, dat was pimped out. Letz do it again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Uh, maybe .... try dialin up dat scream, huh?

 **TARA  
** I know. I know. I be just... I be havin shiznit wit tha tennis ball.

 **McG  
** Oh, dat is just fo' CG registration. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Now, when Ivan n' tha FX muthafuckas is done, it is goin ta look terrifying. (Dude turns ta snap at one of mah thugs fo' realz. An assistant brangs over a notebook full of sketchez of tha monster.) Do you wanna peep tha concept sketches again, biatch? Will dat help?

 **TARA  
** Fuck dat shit, thatz all gravy. I be bout ta find it, I be bout ta find dat shit.

 **McG  
** I know you will, pumpkin, huh, biatch? Okay

 **SET WORKER tha fuck into mike  
** Goin again, dem hoes dawwwwg! Ten-minute reload fo' camera n' sound!

TARA sits up in her chair by RICK, tha hustla playin Brody fo' realz. Another set worker, FRANK, is poppin' off ta dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **FRANK  
** Fuck dat shit, dude, I be spittin some lyrics ta you - hustlin ridin' solo behind tha sets, or afta wrap, biatch? I catch dis weird vibe sometimes.

 **RICK  
** Oh, like what?

 **FRANK  
** Like somethingz watching.

 **RICK  
** (scoffs) Come on.

 **FRANK  
** Yo, hustlin on a porno like this, biatch? Weird crapz bound ta happen.

 **RICK (to TARA)  
** Frank here be thinkin tha stage is hustled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Like, fo' real.

She laughs.

 **FRANK  
** All I be sayin is, they call wrap, I'd git done, n' I git outta here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Fast.

Dude strutts away.

 **RICK  
** That muthafucka is definitely off his crazy-ass meds. Whoo!

They laugh.

CUT TO: Later, TARA is standin up in tha middle of tha "woods", goin over her lines n' practicin screams.

 **TARA  
** Brody, come back! Yo ass lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch!

She tries practicin tha scream yo, but dat thugged-out biiiatch can't like git dat shit.

 **TARA  
** (cont'd) Brody, come back! Yo ass lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch!

Again, dat dunkadelic hoe tries screaming. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly, dat freaky freaky biatch hears a groanin sound on tha set nearby.

 **TARA  
** Hello, biatch? Guys, biatch? Come on, it aint funky. (No answer) Okay, ha ha, straight-up funky. (Again, dat freaky freaky biatch hears some sound, like panting) Hello, biatch? Whoz there?

She keeps struttin among tha forest scenery, until her big-ass booty sees a funky-ass basebizzle cap fall up in front of her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch looks up ta tha scaffoldin n' briefly sees a thug pimp, before it flickers. Then, she notices dat SNOOPY D-O-DOUBLE-GIZZLE is dead, lyin on his stomach while blood covers his wild lil' face. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch lets up a long, bloodcurdlin scream.

On tha other side of tha set, McG n' tha thang crew hear TARA'S scream.

 **McG  
** (loudly, up in approval) Now thatz what tha fuck I be talkin' about!


	2. ACT ONE

EXT. LOS ANGELES, WARNER BROS. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STUDIOS - DAY

SAM n' DEAN is takin part up in tha trolley trip of tha studio, passin by porno n' televizzle sets.

 **TOUR GUIDE  
** (on a P.A.) First opened up in 1927, tha lot has been up in continuous operation fo' eight decades.

DEAN turns ta a kid next ta him, smokin ice cream.

 **DEAN  
** Yo, you know dis is where they filmed "Creepshow"?

Da pimp looks at his ass like he a thugged-out doofus n' say nothing.

 **TOUR GUIDE  
** Now, ta tha right, here is Stars Hollow. It aint nuthin but tha settin fo' tha televizzle series, Gilmore Hoes fo' realz. And if our slick asses dirty, we might even catch one of tha showz stars.

SAM, lookin uncomfortable, turns ta DEAN, whoz ass gives his ass a thumbs up.

 **SAM  
** Come on.

 **DEAN  
** Letz finish tha tour!

SAM hops off tha trolley.

 **SAM  
** Dean!

DEAN hops off as well, n' they continue struttin round tha lot.

 **DEAN  
** [lookin excited] Sammy, check it out, itz Mack Damon!

 **SAM  
** Yeah, I be pretty shizzle thatz not Mack Damon.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, it is.

 **SAM  
** Well, Mack Damon just picked up a funky-ass broom n' started sweeping.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, well, he probably researchin a role or something.

 **SAM  
** Ahhh, I don't be thinkin so. (noticin a sign) Yo, dis way, uh, I be thinkin Stage 9 is over here.

 **DEAN  
** Come on, dude, letz keep goin dis way.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, come on, we've gotta work. (DEAN sighs) Dude, you wanted ta come ta LA.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, fo' a vacation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I mean, swimmin pools n' porno stars muthafucka! Not ta work.

 **SAM  
** This seem like swimmin pool drizzle ta you, Dean, biatch? I mean, itz practically Canuck.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. I just figured that, you know, afta every last muthafuckin thang dat happened wit ... Madison, y-you could bust a lil R-and-R, thatz all.

 **SAM  
** Well, maybe I wanna work, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Maybe it keeps mah mind off thangs.

 **DEAN  
** Okay, aiiight, all right. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, dis crew muthafucka - what tha fuck did he, da ruffneck took a dirt nap on set?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, uh, rumors spreadin like wildfire online. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feelin dis shiznit! They're sayin tha setz hustled.

 **DEAN  
** Like "Poltergeist"?

 **SAM  
** Could be a poltergeist.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, no, no. Like, tha porno "Poltergeist". (SAM shrugs) Yo ass know not a god damn thang of yo' cultural heritage, do yo slick ass, biatch? Dat shiznit was rumored dat tha set of "Poltergeist" was cursed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! That they used real human bones as, uh, as props fo' realz. And, like, at least three of tha hustlas took a dirt nap up in dat shit.

 **SAM  
** Well, yeah, it might be suttin' like dat n' like dis n' like dat y'all.

 **DEAN  
** All right, so dis crew muthafucka - whatz his name?

 **SAM  
** Frank Jaffey.

 **DEAN  
** Frank Jaffey - he gots a thugged-out dirtnap certificate or a cold-ass lil coronerz report or anything?

 **SAM  
** Well, no. But, uh, itz LA, you know, biatch? It might not even be his bangin real name. But tha hoe whoz ass found him, her big-ass booty holla'd her big-ass booty saw suttin' - a vanishin figure.

 **DEAN  
** Whatz tha girlz name?

 **SAM  
** Uh, Tara Benchley?

 **DEAN  
** (grinnin wit fannish enthusiasm) Whoa, whoa, whoa, Tara Benchley, biatch? From "Fear dot Com" n' "Pimp Ship", Tara Benchley, biatch? Dude, why didn't you say so?

 **SAM  
** So now, you suddenly on board?

 **DEAN  
** (playin it cool) Oh, I just - I mean, I be a gangbangin' hustla of her work. It aint nuthin but straight-up good.

Dude strutts away. SAM bigs up.

 

 

INT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET

One of tha basement execs fo' tha porno, BRAD REDDING, is poppin' off ta McG n' tha baller, JAY WILEY.

 **BRAD  
** Fuck dat shit, look, don't git me wrong. Everyone all up in tha basement loves tha dailies, mah dirty ass included. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Us thugs was just wonderin if it could be ... you know, a lil brighter?

 **JAY  
** Brighter?

 **BRAD  
** Yeah, Jay. Mo' color. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. (Jay nods.) McG, you know what tha fuck I be saying, you tha masta of dat stuff.

 **McG  
** Brad, dis be a horror porno.

 **BRAD  
** Yeah, n' whoz ass say horror has ta be dark, you know, biatch? It aint nuthin but just, itz sort of ... wack, don't you think?

Dude notices SAM n' DEAN enta tha set.

 **BRAD  
** Uh, excuse me, Chronic Shirt Guy? (DEAN points ta his dirty ass quizzically) Yeah, you, biatch. Come here.

DEAN exchanges a look wit SAM n' strutts ta BRAD.

 **BRAD  
** Yo ass betta git me a smoothie from Kraft?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass want a what tha fuck from who?

 **BRAD  
** (scoffs) Yo ass be a P.A., biatch? This is what tha fuck you do?

SAM quickly strutts over ta "save" DEAN.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, yeah... he uh ... One smoothie comin right up.

They strutt away.

 **DEAN  
** Whatz a P.A.?

 **SAM  
** I be thinkin they kind of like slaves.

They turn round as they struttin n' SAM gives BRAD a reassurin thumbs-up.

 **BRAD  
** They'll let anybody up in dis bidnizz, huh?

Mo' incredulous scoffing.

 

 

CUT TO:

Later, tha cast n' crew is gettin locked n loaded ta resume blasting. DEAN is struttin up in wit a tray of smoothies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! (Various: "let me lift that..." "Thatz good, right there!" "Yo muthafuckas, c'mere!" "All right, letz go people!" "Yeah, when Tara say her lines, can I step forward n' make dis ..." "Sure, sure, sure, " ... "quiet, please!" "on tha bell!" "lights muthafucka! All right, hold tha noise, we rolling!")

DEAN sets down tha tray of smoothies dat schmoooove muthafucka had gotten n' starts ta go up tha stairs ta tha scaffolding. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly, tha lights on set go down, n' tha hustlas begin they take.

 **McG  
** Why don't we take it from, uh ... "Come on, it'll be fun." And, action!

Da hustlas is now standin inside tha abandoned house, n' "WENDY", played by TARA, has a funky-ass book open up in front of her muthafuckin ass.

 **WENDY  
** (to her playas) Come on, it'll be fun.

She begins readin from tha book up in straight-up choppy Latin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. While her ass is bustin so, DEAN make his way up tha scaffoldin yo. Dude takes up his EMF meta n' scans tha area yo, but not a god damn thang happens. Meanwhile, TARA is tryin her dopest ta read tha Latin yo, but is barely gettin all up in dat shit.

 **McG  
** (off-screen) Maybe we'll finish dis up tomorrow.

 **TARA  
** (breakin character) Oh mah God, I don't give a fuck bout you like it aint no thang n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do. Yo ass know?

 **McG  
** Cut!

Da cast n' crew all begin laughing.

 **McG  
** Straight-up sick.

CUT TO:

A few minutes later, SAM joins DEAN all up in tha Kraft skillz table.

 **SAM  
** So?

 **DEAN  
** No EMF anywhere.

 **SAM  
** Great. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, what tha fuck do you think?

 **DEAN  
** Well, I be thinkin bein a P.A. sucks. But ... tha chicken these playas get, is you kiddin me son, biatch? I mean peep these thangs. (Dude picks up a tiny sandwich) They're like miniature Philly cheesesteak sandwiches. They're delicious.

Dude holdz one of dem up ta SAM.

 **SAM  
** Maybe later.

DEAN shrugs n' takes a big-ass bite.

 **DEAN  
** What'd you smoke up bout tha dead crew muthafucka?

SAM has shiznit takin his wild lil' fuckin eyes off of DEANz devourin of tha sandwich.

 **SAM  
** Uh ... Frank Jaffey was just fillin up in fo' tha day. It make me wanna hollar playa! No Muthafucka here knew his ass or where he lived or anything.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, pimped out. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So you found up bout as much as I done did.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, not quite. I-

WALTER approaches.

 **WALTER  
** Yo, muthafuckas.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, hey.

 **WALTER  
** Sorry. (he leans up in between dem ta pick up a sandwich)

 **DEAN  
** Thatz all right.

Dude watches WALTER strutt away wit a sandwich.

 **DEAN  
** (cont'd) They're wonderful!

 **SAM  
** Listen, I did dig up some shiznit bout Stage 9z history.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, four playas took a dirt nap messy here over tha past eighty years. Two suicides n' two fatal accidents.

 **DEAN  
** Any one of dem could be a vengeful spirit, n' I aint talkin bout no muthafuckin Jack Daniels neither.

 **SAM  
** Yeah. We've just gotta narrow it down more.

DEAN smilez as he notices TARA strutt onto set.

 **DEAN  
** (fixated by her) I be bout ta git right on that.

DEAN strutts over ta TARA, grabbin a cold-ass lil call shizzle from one of tha set workers as da thug strutts by. Nervously, da perved-out muthafucka steps up ta TARA.

 **DEAN  
** Is you supposed ta git one of these?

She looks up at his ass n' smiles, noticin his wild lil' freakadelic phat looks.

 **DEAN  
** (cont'd) I- I don't straight-up know what tha fuck I be bustin.

 **TARA  
** First day?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. My fuckin big-ass break. (Bitch laughs) Yo ass know, I know itz ... straight-up undef ta say dis yo, but I- I be a funky-ass big-ass fan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I loved you up in Boogeyman.

 **TARA  
** Oh, God, what tha fuck a shitty script. But fuck you, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. (pause) Yo ass found him, right, biatch? Da ... tha dead muthafucka? (Bitch goes on tha down-low n' looks away) I be sorry, you probably don't even wanna rap bout this.

 **TARA  
** Fuck dat shit, no, actually. It aint nuthin but- itz all gravy. No Muthafucka round here straight-up brangs it up straight-up much. (whispers) I be thinkin they all scared I'ma have some kind of breakdown.

 **DEAN  
** That must done been wack naaahhmean, biatch? What happened?

 **TARA  
** Dat shiznit was horrible. There- there was all dis blood comin from his wild lil' fuckin eyes n' from his crazy-ass grill fo' realz. And, uh... I saw this, um...

She stops, embarrassed.

 **DEAN  
** What?

 **TARA  
** I saw dis shape. To rap tha real deal, I- I don't give a fuck actually, what tha fuck I saw. I just know I saw dat shit.

WALTER approaches.

 **WALTER  
** (handin her a Snapple) Here you go, Tara.

 **TARA  
** Thanks, Walter.

Dude strutts away.

 **DEAN  
** Uh- so, this, dis crew muthafucka, Frank - did you know him?

 **TARA  
** Fuck dat shit, not dat well.

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but funky, itz like no one round here straight-up knew tha muthafucka.

 **TARA  
** I've gots his thugged-out lil' picture.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass do?

 **TARA  
** (smiling) Yeah. I take Polaroidz of all tha crew. It aint nuthin but just one of dem thangs you do ta bust a cap up in time on set.

She flips all up in a funky-ass binder until she findz his thugged-out lil' picture.

 **TARA  
** (cont'd) Um ... um ... right there.

DEAN looks at it closely n' notices something.

 **DEAN  
** Son of a funky-ass biiiatch.

 

 

 

**SCENE**

INT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. ST. JAMES RESIDENCE

There be a knock on tha door fo' realz. A playa opens it ta peep SAM n' DEAN outside.

 **DEAN  
** Gerard St. James?

Da dude, whoz ass looks exactly like FRANK, nods.

 **GERARD  
** Yes yes y'all.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass is still kickin it fo' realz. And you not Frank Jaffey.

 **GERARD  
** Uh, no?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass was Desert Soldier Number Four up in Metalstorm: Da Destruction of Jared-Syn?

 **GERARD  
** I was.

 **DEAN  
** I knew I recognized you, biatch. I be a big-ass fan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Heh heh. I mean, yo' turn as a tractor crash sucka up in Crittas 3-

 **GERARD  
** Crittas 3!

 **DEAN  
** Wow. Yeah.

 **GERARD  
** Well, please, come in.

They enta tha doggy den while GERARD brangs dem coffee. There is pictures linin tha wallz of GERARD, merely a hustla, portrayin various characters.

 **GERARD  
** Yeah, dat shiznit was tha ballers. They brought me up fo' tha dizzle ta play Frank.

 **DEAN  
** Just ta fake yo' dirtnap?

 **GERARD  
** Well, rumorz of a hustled film set, free publicity, especially when you bustin a horror porno. I mean, uh, itz already all over tha Internet.

 **SAM  
** Yeah. We know.

 **GERARD  
** These days, itz all bout freshly smoked up media, buildin buzz. They say I be tha freshly smoked up "lonelygirl".

 **DEAN  
** Who?

 **SAM  
** And tha pimp Tara saw?

 **GERARD  
** Projected on a screen of diffusion.

 **DEAN  
** Isn't dat kind of wack, biatch? Messin wit they headz like that?

 **GERARD  
** Yo, I just play tha part. I don't write tha script. Speakin of, I be playin Willy up in a, up in a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dinner theata thang of Salesman at Costa Mesa, all next month. (Dude handz DEAN a gangbangin' flyer) Yo ass git a gangbangin' free pepper steak wit tha coupon.

 **DEAN  
** (laughs) Now, wait a second. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! If you is, if you peeped up in public, won't dat fuck up tha hoax?

 **GERARD  
** (scoffs) Oh,. Biiiatch please.(to SAM) Frank n' Willy, biatch? Straight-Up different characters.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know what, biatch? Thanks straight-up much, Mista Muthafuckin Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. St. James. Dat shiznit was just naggin at us, you know, biatch? But we- we're straight-up glad ... you know, you kickin it n' well.

 **DEAN  
** Absolutely. (GERARD shakes both they hands) Yo, I wanted ta ask you, biatch... what tha fuck was it like hustlin wit Slick Rick Moll? (to a cold-ass lil trippin SAM) Metalstorm yo. Dude was Hurok, Mackdaddy of tha Cyclops people.

 **GERARD  
** Gentlemenz gentleman.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah? (chuckles, brandishin tha theatre coupon) All right. Pepper steak.

 

 

**SCENE**

STAGE 9 MOVIE SET

Da hustlas playin "MITCH" n' "KENDRA" is filmin up in tha abandoned house.

 **MITCH  
** When we read from dat book, we must have brought dem back. Back from Hell.

While "KENDRA" delivers her line, DAVE, tha sound muthafucka, receives a staticky feedback all up in his headphones, distortin tha dialogue.

 **MITCH  
** It don't matter n' shit. We not goin anywhere until we find Wendy n' her sista n' shit. Got it, biatch? Good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Now letz git busy.

 **McG  
** (smiling) Cut son! Straight-up sick.

 **DAVE  
** No phat fo' sound. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be gettin some kind of feedback.

Da cast n' crew sigh.

 **SET WORKER  
** Another costly sound delay. (yelling) All right, we goin again n' again n' again fo' sound, people!

 **DAVE  
** Nuff props, nahmean biiiatch?

On another area of set, BRAD is poppin' off wit McG n' tha writer, MARTY.

 **BRAD  
** Fuck dat shit, no, no, no, look. It aint nuthin but a pimped out scene, straight-up, dynamite. But I've still gots all dem ... not ... not problems, just thangs.

 **McG  
** (annoyed) Like what?

 **BRAD  
** Well, fo' one thang, (sighs) tha rulez aren't straight-up landin fo' mah dirty ass. Like, tha lil playas do dis Latin chant, n' dat make tha pimps show up?

 **McG  
** Yeah.

 **BRAD  
** See yo, but if tha pimps is up in Hell, how tha fuck do they hear tha chanting, biatch? I mean, (scoffs) what tha fuck do they have, super-hearing, biatch? It aint nuthin but a logic bump. Da rulez don't track.

 **McG  
** Marty, you tha writer.

 **MARTY  
** What if I throw up in a explainer?

 **BRAD  
** Yeah, that'd be supa n' shit. Excuse me, I've gotta check some lyrics.

Dude leaves, focused on his Bluetooth.

 **McG  
** Suits.

BRAD wandaz off ta another area of tha set, ridin' solo. While lookin at his Blackberry, he notices a biatch off ta his side. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch is grey-and-white from head ta toe, as if from a funky-ass black-and-white film. Biatch is bustin dark lipstick n' a robe, n' has dark marks on her neck, clearly formed by ropes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch don't say anythang yo, but smirks at his muthafuckin ass.

 **BRAD  
** Has McG peeped this, biatch? I wanna bust a nut on tha whole body paint, black-and-white thang. But gee, I don't be thinkin dem neck woundz is straight-up gonna read on camera. They need ta be red. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo ass know what tha fuck I be saying? (he turns away n' starts ta strutt away, callin ta tha other end of set) Yo, Jay, biatch? I need ta drop a rhyme ta make-up right away.

Da biatch zaps up behind him, n' taps his ass on tha shoulder n' shiznit yo. Dude turns back round ta grill her muthafuckin ass.

 **BRAD  
** Yeah?

Da biatch, still silent, takes off her robe up in front of his muthafuckin ass. BRAD looks her up n' down, then watches as dat dunkadelic hoe turns n' strutts up tha stairs ta tha scaffolding.

 **BRAD  
** (smirking) Wait up! Dude starts ta follow her, struttin toward tha stairs she just ascended.

 

 

A few minutes later, tha hustlas have resumed filming.

 **MITCH  
** When we read from dat book, we must have brought dem back. Back from Hell.

 **KENDRA  
** But I don't understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! If they was up in Hell, how tha fuck could they hear our chanting?

 **MITCH  
** They must have super-hearing!

Suddenly, tha ceilin of tha abandoned doggy den caves in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da hustlas start n' McG bolts ta his wild lil' feet, yellin up in surprise. Da crash was BRADz body, falls all up in tha top of tha set, hangin from a noose. Da hustlas scream n' run off set. BRADz body spins on tha rope, n' his Bluetooth falls ta tha floor as dat schmoooove muthafucka hangs there, dead as fuckin fried chicken.


	3. ACT TWO

CUT TO: THE NEXT MORNING

Da hustlas is filmin once again, where they had left off tha previous day. It make me wanna hollar playa! TARA'S character, "WENDY", entas tha abandoned house.

 **MITCH  
** Wendy?

 **WENDY  
** Oh, Mitch! God, you kickin it!

 **MITCH  
** Yo ass can't git rid of me dat easy as fuck .

 **McG  
** Rumble, rumble, rumble!

 **WENDY  
** Salt. Okay, we need salt. I read up in dat book dat it keeps pimps away.

 **MITCH  
** Kendra, Logan, you muthafuckas check tha back.

Off-camera, MARTY begins whisperin ta tha baller, JAY.

 **MARTY  
** Jay, tha skanky bastard capped his dirty ass. Like, fo' real. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shouldn't we shut it down or something?

 **JAY  
** Our thugged-out asses had a moment of silence fo' his ass at breakfast yo. Dude was just a funky-ass basement muthafucka.

 **McG  
** Shh!

 **WENDY (to "MITCH")  
** I gots a straight-up boner fo' you, biatch.

 **MITCH  
** I know.

Dude shines his wild lil' flashlight directly up in her face.

 **MITCH  
** (cont'd) (breakin character) Sorry.

 **TARA  
** (breakin character) (sighs) Can we- can we cut or something?

 **McG  
** Um... uh, yeah, cut. Cut!

 **DEAN  
** (bustin a headset; loudly, ta tha crew) Thatz a cold-ass lil cut!

Dude resumes smokin his cold-ass taquito.

 **McG  
** (to a cold-ass lil crew) Only I can say cut.

 **McG  
** (approachin TARA) Yo, what tha fuck up?

 **TARA  
** I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit. I be just a lil upset.

 **McG  
** Well, wit every last muthafuckin thang thatz been goin on round here, whoz ass can blame ya, huh?

 **TARA  
** I, I I just can't wrap mah head round tha dialog, you know, biatch? Salt, biatch? Don't dat sound silly, biatch? I mean, why would a pimp be afraid of salt?

DEAN smirks.

 **McG  
** Okay, um... Marty?

 **MARTY  
** Yo.

 **McG  
** What do you think?

 **MARTY  
** Not gangbangin salt, what tha fuck do you want, biatch? We still stickin wit condiments?

 **McG  
** It just soundz different, not mo' betta n' shit. What else would a pimp be scared of?

 **WALTER  
** (standin next ta DEAN) Oh, you've gotta be kiddin mah dirty ass.

 **MARTY  
** (to JAY) What would a pimp be scared of, biatch? Maybe, uh, maybe shotguns.

 **McG  
** Okay, dat make even less sense than salt.

 **WALTER  
** (irritated) These playas is idiots, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

WALTER leaves up in annoyance.

SAM approaches DEAN.

 **DEAN  
** Walterz a lil testy fo' a P.A., huh?

 **SAM  
** Howz it goin up in here?

 **DEAN  
** It be goin straight-up good, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Taraz straight-up stepped up her performance. I be thinkin itz probably from all tha sense memory shiznit her dope ass drawin on.

 **SAM  
** Sense memory?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **SAM  
** Dean, you, you know when I ask how tha fuck itz goin up in here, I be poppin' off bout tha case, right, biatch? Us dudes don't straight-up work here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Yo ass know, I thought you hated bein a P.A.

 **DEAN  
** (shufflin his wild lil' feet) I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. It aint nuthin but not so bad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I kind of feel like part of tha crew, you know, biatch? It aint nuthin but phat- (holdin up his thugged-out lil' plate) Oh, taquito, biatch? They're wonderful.

 **SAM  
** No. Umm.. Listen, I conned mah way tha fuck into tha morgue.

 **DEAN  
** And?

 **SAM  
** Shit reports was right: Bradz a thugged-out doornail, no question.

 **DEAN  
** (into his headset) Copy that. (to Sam) I be sorry, what?

 **SAM  
** "Copy that"?

 **DEAN  
** What did you say?

 **SAM  
** Da shizzle reports was right. Bradz a thugged-out doornail-

 **DEAN  
** (into his headset) They is aware.

 **SAM  
** Whoz aware?

 **DEAN  
** (to Sam) I be sorry, what tha fuck was you saying?

 **SAM  
** Uh, uh ... uh. Da newspaperz right: Bradz a thugged-out doornail, no question bout dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** I guess itz a phat thang our phat asses didn't skip town.

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, come here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I want you ta hear something. (into his headset) Copy dis shit. On mah way.

Dude leadz SAM over ta tha sound muthafucka, DAVE.

 **DEAN  
** Yo, Dave. Yo ass betta play his ass dat thang you was playin me earlier?

 **DAVE  
** Sure.

Dude handz a pair of headphones ta SAM.

 **SAM  
** Thanks.

SAM listens ta tha audio of one of tha scenes up in tha porno. ( _Don't matter n' shit. We not leavin til; we find Wendy n' yo' sista n' shit. [static]_ )

Midway all up in tha dialogue, tha sound becomes staticky n' distorted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM exchanges a look wit DEAN.

 

 

 

  
INT. BACKSTAGE - LATER

 **SAM  
** EVP.

 **DEAN  
** From tha night of Bradz stage dive fo' realz. All of a sudden, I be gettin electromagnetic readings up tha wazoo. For some reason, itz a legit hustlin now, nahmeean?

 **SAM  
** Well, whoz tha pimp, Dean, biatch? Whatz it want?

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. I be thinkin we should take a peep Bradz dirtnap scene.

 

 

_Daytime._

Outside up in tha lot, DEAN leadz SAM ta one of tha trailers. Once inside, DEAN pops a STD tha fuck into tha televizzle.

 **SAM  
** Yo, where'd you git dis DVD?

 **DEAN  
** They're called dailies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! I gots it from Cindy. Dat hoe kind of gots dis on-and-off thang goin wit Drew yo. Dude dubbed mah crazy ass a extra copy.

They peep tha footage of tha scene, complete wit BRAD'S surprise entrance.

 **DEAN  
** All right, herez where tha muthafucka fell tha fuck all up in tha roof.

 **SAM  
** Right.

 **DEAN  
** All right, here we go.

 **MITCH  
** (from tha tape)  _They must have super-hearing._

Suddenly, BRAD falls all up in tha ceilin of tha set, hangin by a noose.

 **SAM  
** Yo, wait, go back, go back. (DEAN rewindz tha tape) Right afta n' shit. Right aft- yeah right. Wait. There.

DEAN pauses tha frame. On tha screen, we peep a cold-ass lil straight-up different set n' standin up in tha far corner of tha set, is tha pimply white biatch whoz ass hustled BRAD ta his fuckin lil' dirtnap.

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but like "Three Men n' a Baby" all over again. (SAM looks at him, confused) Selleck, Danson, n' Guttenberg fo' realz. And... I don't give a fuck whoz ass played tha baby.

 **SAM  
** Whatz yo' point?

 **DEAN  
** Therez a scene up in tha porno where playas say dat the, tha camera caught a pimp on film fo' realz. Apparently, up in tha background of one of tha scenes, there was dis pimp dat no muthafucka rethugz from set. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Spirit sex n thangs.

 **SAM  
** (lookin all up in tha biatch) I've peeped her before.

 

 

**SCENE**

INT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STAGE 9 BEHIND THE MOVIE SET

DEAN, headset up in place, is chillin wit SAM at a table. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM handz his ass a print-out of a article.

 **SAM  
** Here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Peep dis out.

 **DEAN  
** (into his headset) Yeah, go fo' Ozzy. (...) Fuck dat shit, I aint gots a 20 on Tara, I be thinkin she 10-100. (...) Okay, copy that. (to SAM) I be sorry, what tha fuck was you saying?

SAM shakes his head up in exasperation.

 **SAM  
** Elise Drummond- starlet back up in tha thirtizzles yo. Had a affair wit a funky-ass basement exec yo. Dude uses her up, fires her, leaves her destitute, so Elise hangs her muthafuckin ass from Stage 9z rafters, right tha fuck into a scene they blasting.

 **DEAN  
** Just like our dude, Brad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! So, what, she gots it up in fo' tha basement brass?

 **SAM  
** Possibly. I mean, itz a motizzle fo' realz. And Bradz dirtnap matches hers exactly.

 **DEAN  
** Us dudes diggin tonight, aren't we?

 

 

INT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET - LATER

Da crew is cleanin up fo' tha day.

 **SET WORKER  
** Thatz a wrap, playas biaaatch! 6:00 AM call fo' crew tomorrow!

 **JAY  
** Great work, dem hoes dawwwwg! McG, you a smart-ass . (Dude shakes McGz hand) Yo ass is kickin ass n' takin names.

 **McG  
** Night, Jay.

 

 

EXT. "HOLLYWOOD FOREVER" CEMETERY - NIGHT

SAM n' DEAN is struttin through, shovels up in hand.

 **SAM  
** Which way?

 **DEAN  
** (readin a map) Uh... over here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. (they strutt a lil further) Hey.

 **SAM  
** Yeah?

DEAN gestures ta a memorial fo' Humpty Dumpty.

 **DEAN  
** This map is straight-up worth tha five bucks muthafucka! Yo, we've gotta go hit up Jizzy Ramonez grave when our phat asses done here.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass wanna dig his ass up, too?

 **DEAN  
** Bite yo' tongue, heathen! (passin another memorial) Oh, thatz cool.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know, Dean, what tha fuck I don't git is why now, biatch? I mean, afta seventy-five years, Elise Drummond suddenly goes homicidal, you know, biatch? Why dis porno?

 **DEAN  
** Well, maybe she mad they bustin a gangbangin' freaky pimp flick.

 **SAM  
** Come on, is it straight-up dat freaky?

 **DEAN  
** Here we go.

They reach Elisez headstone.

 **SAM  
** Yep fo' realz. All right.

 **DEAN  
** Yahtzee.

They start digging.

 

 

  
STAGE 9 MOVIE SET

JAY be all ridin' solo on tha dark set, poppin' off on his beeper.

 **JAY  
** I know. Fuck dat shit, I friggin' don't give a fuck bout McGz dailies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! I can't control tha muthafucka. I be spittin some lyrics ta you, next one, I be directin mah dirty ass. (...) What, yo slick ass, biatch? Fuck dat shit, Bob. You, I love. Yo ass be a smart-ass ! Yo ass is kickin ass n' takin names. (...) Yeah, aiiight. Yeah. Talk ta you later, babe. Uh-huh. (Dude hangs up) What a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dick.

Da lights suddenly go up on tha set.

 **JAY  
** Oh, pimped out. Yo, muthafuckas muthafucka! Producer struttin here, hello!

 

 

EXT. "HOLLYWOOD FOREVER" CEMETERY

Da thugs have finished digging. DEAN is up in tha grave, n' opens tha coffin ta peep Elisez corpse. They pour salt n' kerosene over tha bones n' burn dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 

  
INT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET

While JAY tries ta git round tha forest scenery up in tha dark, da perved-out muthafucka sees a playa strutt by.

 **JAY  
** Yo dawwwwg! Yo, pal! Can you, uh, show me ta tha exit, biatch? I can't peep a thugged-out damn thang here. (Da dude, turned away from JAY, don't move) Yo dawwwwg! Yo, putz! I be poppin' off ta you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? Some Muthafucka could git hurt here.

Suddenly, tha playa turns around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! His grill has been slashed, n' a section of his skull has been split open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude has blood hustlin down his crazy-ass grill. JAY screams n' falls ta tha ground.

 **JAY  
** What tha hell?

Suddenly, tha hustlas on set turn on by theyselves. Da pimp flickers n' vanishes. JAY tries ta crawl away yo, but tha hustla drags his ass backwardz yo. Dude gets sucked tha fuck into tha hustla n' torn apart, blood sprayin all over dis biiiatch.


	4. ACT THREE

CUT TO: "HELL HAZERS 2" MOVIE TRAILER

Da peepshow fo' tha film, "Hell Hazers 2" begins playin on tha screen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "WENDY" entas tha abandoned house, flashlight up in hand.

 **VOICEOVER  
** They never forgive. They never forget.

 **WENDY  
** (in tha woods) Mitch, biatch? Ashley?

 **VOICEOVER  
** And dis summer, they comin back again n' again n' again ta settle tha score... ...again.

 **WENDY  
** Yo ass up here?

She suddenly turns n' looks tha fuck into tha camera n' screams. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. There be a quick montage of clips from tha film.

 **BRODY  
** Ashley n' Todd - they dead hommie! Wendy, they dead!

**_New scene._ **

**MITCH  
** These bastardz aren't takin us. Not without a gangbangin' fight.

**_New scene._ **

**BRODY  
** I be gettin outta here right now!

 **WENDY  
** Brody!

Short clips from tha porno play on tha screen: "WENDY" readin up in Latin, "KENDRA" screaming, tha charactas hustlin all up in tha woods.

 **VOICEOVER  
** From tha ballaz of Cornfield Massacre, Monsta Truck, n' tha director of Charliez Angels, Charliez Angels: Full Throttle, n' Hell Hazers, comes a freshly smoked up experience up in terror.

 **MITCH V.O  
** We must have brought dem back. Back from Hell fo' realz. Again.

 **VOICEOVER  
** Hell Hazers 2: Da Reckoning. This film aint yet rated.

 

 

 

INT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET - MORNING

SAM n' DEAN peep it as tha five-o examine tha crime scene where JAY was capped.

 **SAM  
** Run-in wit a giant fan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Same thang happened ta a electrician back up in '66, a muthafucka named Bizzley Beard.

 **DEAN  
** What tha hell, dude?

 **SAM  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. Don't seem like Elise dis time, either n' shit. It aint nuthin but not her M.O.

 **DEAN  
** Fuck dat shit, we already torched her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, what, is our phat asses dealin wit another pimp?

 **SAM  
** Maybe.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah yo, but these thangs don't probably tag-team.

 

 

EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET

Outside up in tha lot, McG is gettin outta his hoopty yo. Dude gathers tha cast n' crew, includin DEAN n' SAM.

 **McG  
** All Y'all dawwwwg! Gather around, aiiight dawwwwg! I've gots a announcement ta make. (handin his hoopty keys ta a P.A.) Hold dat fo' mah dirty ass. (callin out) Everyone biaaatch! Huddle in! In light of Jayz accident last night, n' up in cooperation wit tha authorities, we shuttin down thang fo' all dem days. I know, I know. Look, I aint gonna lie ta you, biatch. We've had all dem setbacks dis week. But we all know what tha fuck Jay n' Brad wanted mo' than anythang fo' realz. And dat was ta peep Hell Hazers 2: Da Reckonin on screens all across America! Now, we owe it ta dem ta go on, n' ta pull together n' make dis damn porno, huh?

There is cheers n' applause from tha crowd.

 **McG  
** But- but but but not todizzle. It make me wanna hollar playa! Go home. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Someone will call you, biatch.

 

 

INT. TRAILER - LATER

SAM is back inside, watchin mo' of tha dailies. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! "WENDY" is readin up in Latin when her ass is interrupted by "KENDRA".

**_KENDRA_  
** _Wendy, don't._

**_WENDY_  
** _What is you, afraid of pimps, biatch? Come on, it'll be fun._

DEAN enters.

 **DEAN  
** Hey.

 **SAM  
** Hey. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, you smoke up where tha electricianz buried?

 **DEAN  
** Dude wasn't. Bizzley Beard was cremated.

 **SAM  
** Great. Now what?

 **DEAN  
** No idea fo' realz. Any mo' pimp cameos up in tha dailies?

 **SAM  
** Not up in tha straight-up original gangsta six hours. Yo ass know, maybe tha spirits is tryin ta shut down tha porno 'cause they be thinkin it sucks. 'Cause, I mean, it kind of do.

**WENDY  
** _Come on, it'll be fun._

She continues readin up in Latin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM suddenly notices suttin' n' rewindz yo. Dude sits up n' listens closer ta tha Latin.

 **SAM  
** Listen ta tha invocation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dean, thatz tha real deal- a necromantic summonin ritual. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. What tha hell is dat bustin up in a Hollywood porno?

 

  
INT. MOVIE STUDIOS

MARTY, tha writer, is on tha beeper up in his crib.

 **MARTY  
** Fuck dat shit, dude, our phat asses down fo' all dem minutes - force majeure. (...) Yeah. It aint nuthin but cool, though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Gives me time ta pitch dat time-travel thang. (...) Yeah fo' realz. All right, well look, git back ta me on this, all right, biatch? Seriously. (...) Fuck dat shit, I be straight-up n shit. (...) Dude, is you trippin like a muthafucka, biatch? 'Cause I be straight-up n shit. (Dude notices SAM n' DEAN all up in tha door) All right. Cool. (Dude hangs up) Guys, we all shut down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. What is you still bustin here?

 **SAM  
** Yeah, um, whez, is ... sorry, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We- we- we couldn't help ourselves. Us playas just had ta rap dat we read tha script.

 **MARTY  
** And?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. (nodding) It aint nuthin but- uh- itz phat.

 **DEAN  
** Awesome.

 **SAM  
** Straight-Up phat.

 **MARTY  
** (smilin all up in tha flattery) I know, itz pretty rockin', right, biatch? I be glad you muthafuckas was horny bout dat shit.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, yeah, yeah, I straight-up liked, uh, all tha attention ta detail.

 **MARTY  
** Dude, right on, thatz mah thang. I mean, you know, color me guilty yo, but dat is mah dirty ass. I'm, I'm, I be a total detail buff.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, I can tell. I mean, tha way you hit dat shiznit up in all them, all dem Enochian summonin rituals n' all tha authentic language.

 **MARTY  
** (smile fading) What, you mean dat Latin crap, biatch? Fuck dat shit, dude, thatz Walter n' shit. Walta Dixon, tha original gangsta thug n' shit. Yo ass like dat garbage?

 **DEAN  
** Wait, "Walta tha P.A." Walter?

 **MARTY  
** Fuck dat shit, he not a P.A. Dat punk gots a cold-ass lil clause up in his contract dat allows his ass ta come on set.

 **DEAN  
** But da thug freestyled tha invocations?

 **MARTY  
** Dude freestyled a whack-job screenplay. Therez no pace, there be a no ludd interest, itz all wackadoo exposition. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I had ta cut, like, ninety cement of it ta make it readable, tha other ten cement ta make it good.

DEAN n' SAM laugh.

 

  
INT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET - LATER

Da brothers is readin WALTER'S screenplay, Lord of tha Dead.

 **DEAN  
** Should've kept Walterz original gangsta script. It aint nuthin but straight-up pretty good.

 **SAM  
** Yeah fo' realz. And it readz like a how-to manual of conjuration, like a textbook on how tha fuck ta summon pimps n' git dem ta do whatever you want.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, like bust a cap up in people.

 **SAM  
** Yep. So, letz say somewhere down tha line, Walta hustled some pretty black magic.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah fo' realz. And letz say he pissed at these playas fo' wreckin his crazy-ass porno.

 **SAM  
** Motizzle n' means.

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but worth checkin out.

 

 

INT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET; FOREST SCENERY

MARTY is struttin among tha forest scenery n' spots WALTER.

 **MARTY  
** So, you wanted ta meet? (No response) Yo, I be a lil busy here, dawg. I be hustlin on a script.

 **WALTER  
** Oh, yeah. Yo ass muthafuckas hit dat shiznit on it all muthafuckin day.

 **MARTY  
** It needed work. Now, why couldn't our crazy asses have done dis up in mah office?

 **WALTER  
** Yo ass know, tha history, tha lore up in mah draft was straight-up accurate. We could've gotten it right fo' tha last time eva up in dis whorehouse of a town. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But, you tore it ta shreds. Yo ass replaced it wit cleavage n' bust a funky-ass big-ass fart jokes. (sighs) Dat shiznit was real.

 **MARTY  
** Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck gives a ratz ass bout "real", biatch? We poppin' off bout pimps here, Walter n' shit. Therez no such thang.

 **WALTER  
** Thatz where you wrong, Martin.

Dude raises his hand, holdin a talisman, n' begins chantin up in Latin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. MARTY rolls his wild lil' fuckin eyes.

 **MARTY  
** Okay, nutjob. End of meeting.

Dude turns round n' comes face-to-face wit tha same pimp dat capped JAY yo. Dude screams.


	5. ACT FOUR

Da hustlas turn on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. MARTY is on tha ground, bein dragged by tha pimp towardz tha fans.

 **MARTY  
** Oh, God, no! Please, no!

 **WALTER  
** Yo ass fucked up it, Martin! Everythang I hit dat shiznit for!

 **MARTY  
** Oh, oh, oh. Oh, Dogg hommie! Walter!

 **WALTER  
** Now you gonna smoke up what tha fuck bein a pimp is straight-up like.

 **MARTY  
** Walter, please biaaatch! Walter, help me biaaatch! Heeeeeee-

Just as he is inches away from tha fan, a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shotgun goes off, blastin tha pimp away. DEAN approaches, weapon up in hand, while SAM turns off tha fan.

 **MARTY  
** Yo ass is one hell of a P.A.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, I know.

 **WALTER  
** What is you bustin?

 **SAM  
** I could ask you tha same thang, Walter.

WALTER begins climbin up tha stairs ta tha scaffolding.

 **SAM  
** (cont'd) Raisin these spirits from tha dead, biatch? Makin dem cappin' fo' yo slick ass, biatch? Thatz playin wit fire, Walter.

 **WALTER  
** Yo ass don't understand.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass know what, biatch? Yo ass is right, I don't understand.

 **WALTER  
** Just... wait, look. Yo ass put yo' ass n' ass tha fuck into something, muthafuckin yearz of hard work. It aint nuthin but years, n' then they take dat shiznit son! And they crap all over dat shiznit son! (DEAN looks at MARTY, whoz ass shakes his head like WALTER don't give a fuck what tha fuck he poppin' off about.) And then- n' then they want you ta smile n' say, "Nuff props".

 **SAM  
** Walter, listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It aint nuthin but just a porno. Thatz dat shit.

 **WALTER  
** (scoffs) Look... Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I gots not a god damn thang against you, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass aint part of all dis bullshit. Just please, please, just muthafuckin bounce. But Martinz gotta stay.

 **DEAN  
** Sorry, can't do dis shit. It aint nuthin but not dat our slick asses like his ass or anything, itz ... just a matta of principle.

 **WALTER  
** Then I be sorry, like a muthafucka.

Dude raises tha talisman again.

 **SAM  
** Walter n' shit. Walter, pl- Don't.

WALTER begins chanting. Da set begins ta shake, n' three pimps appear, includin tha playa whoz ass murdered JAY.

 **DEAN  
** Sam!

DEAN raises his shotgun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da pimps, all of whom is mangled up in some way, begin struttin closer.

 **DEAN  
** (cont'd) Come on, come on!

Suddenly, they disappear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Then, outta nowhere, SAM is knocked ta tha floor - tha pimps is now invisible. DEAN helps his ass up.

 **DEAN  
** Come on, come on! Move!

Da brothers n' MARTY begin hustlin away while tha lights on set begin shortin out, fuckin shitloadz of sparks flying. Da three of dem run tha fuck into another buildin n' shut tha door behind dem wild-ass muthafuckas. DEAN reloadz his wild lil' freakadelic gun.

DEAN quotes Bruce Willis as "Jizzy McClane" from "Lose Tha Game Hard", wit accent n' all. This includes tha light shinin down over his wild lil' features, similar ta dat of tha original gangsta "Lose Tha Game Hard" scene.

 **DEAN  
** (sarcastically) "Come up ta tha coast son! We bout ta git together, have all dem laughs!"

Then DEAN turns round n' realizes they tha buildin they entered is straight-up just tha set fo' tha abandoned house. It aint nuthin but straight-up open on tha other wall- they aint straight-up reached any real shelter.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, man!

 **MARTY  
** I can't believe all dis bullshit. Ghosts is real!

 **DEAN  
** What make you say that?

They look around, locked n loaded ta fight.

 **MARTY  
** But I don't understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! How tha fuck is Walta controllin them?

 **SAM  
** Probably dat talisman.

Suddenly, SAM takes up his beeper.

 **MARTY  
** What is you bustin?

 **SAM  
** I mean, if film cameras pick these suckers up, then... maybe, uh...

Dude uses his cell beeper camera ta scan tha room. Da crew watches tha screen on his cell-phone, together wit his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude suddenly sees one of tha pimps all dem feet away, headin straight fo' DEAN.

 **SAM  
** Dean! Right there!

SAM points n' DEAN blasts dat shit. We peep all up in SAMz cell how tha fuck tha pimp disappears.

 **SAM  
** (cont'd) Got his muthafuckin ass. (Dude picks up another pimp) Yo dawwwwg! Right there!

DEAN blasts again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They then notice WALTER struttin round tha upper level. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM handz his beeper ta MARTY.

 **SAM  
** Here, you git tha idea?

 **MARTY  
** Yeah.

 **SAM  
** All right, you hold dem off. I be goin afta Walter.

Dude leaves tha set.

 **MARTY  
** I cannot believe there be a a afterlife.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, there be a a afterlife, all right. But mostly, itz a pain up in tha ass.

MARTY keeps scannin tha room wit tha phone.

 **MARTY  
** There!

MARTY ducks ta his fuckin left as DEAN blasts.

 

 

  
EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STAGE 9

WALTER leaves tha set all up in tha back exit n' comes face-to-face wit SAM.

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but over, Walter n' shit. Now give it ta mah dirty ass.

WALTER throws tha talisman on tha ground, shatterin dat shit.

 **WALTER  
** There biaaatch! Okay, now no one can have dat shit.

 **SAM  
** I wouldn't have done dat if I was you, biatch.

 **WALTER  
** Oh, yeah?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **WALTER  
** And why not?

 **SAM  
** Because you just freed dem wild-ass muthafuckas. We can't stop dem now, nahmeean, biatch? Walter, you brought dem back, forced dem ta cappin' n' shit. They're not gonna be straight-up aiiight wit you, biatch.

MARTY n' DEAN join dem outside.

 **WALTER  
** Yeah, biatch? So, why not?

Dude suddenly falls ta tha ground n' begins beatboxin up in pain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Blood begins ta seep all up in his threadz. MARTY raises tha cell beeper n' sees all of tha pimps tearin WALTER apart.


	6. ACT FIVE

INT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET - A FEW DAYS LATER

Da crew has resumed filming. "KENDRA" n' "MITCH" is now up in tha abandoned house. "KENDRA" is scannin tha room wit her beeper, tha same kind as SAM has.

 **KENDRA  
** Oh, Dogg. Oh, Dogg. There!

"MITCH" blasts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. From tha sidelines, McG is watching, ecstatic.

 **KENDRA  
** But I don't understand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! How tha fuck can tha spirits step tha fuck up in tha camera phone?

 **MITCH  
** Da vizzle must pick up they frequencies up in a way dat our eyes can't.

 **KENDRA  
** Oh, Dogg. Oh, Dogg. Right there!

"MITCH" blasts again.

 **McG  
** Cut son! Oh, print dat one. Thatz up in tha porno biaaatch! Oh! Loved it, kids. Loved dat shit.

MARTY n' SAM is also watchin from tha sidelines.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass smoke up there be a a afterlife, n' dis is what tha fuck you do wit it?

 **MARTY  
** (looks up from texting, grinning) I needed a lil jazz on tha page.

 

EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STAGE LOT

SAM is struttin among tha trailers. When he passes TARA'S trailer, tha door opens, n' DEAN comes out, clearly disheveled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN smirks. TARA comes outside as well, bustin a robe.

 **TARA  
** (smilin at DEAN) Yo ass is one hell of a P.A.

 **DEAN  
** Nuff props, biatch.

 **TARA  
** (noticin Sam) Hi.

SAM looks awkward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

DEAN n' SAM strutt away; DEAN grabs a sandwich.

They strutt off toward a painted sunset, which crew roll away.

 **DEAN  
** God, I gots a straight-up boner fo' dis town.

Da painted sunset has finished rollin away, revealin a sunset over tha Hollywood Hills.


End file.
